Thursday, July 08, 2004

Singles & "Smug-Marrieds"

So. I’ve been married for almost 4 weeks now. Wow eh? While not that impressive to others I find it a pretty amazing fact. We’re busy doing fun things like writing up thank you cards and I’m getting used to signing a new name. No small feat, that. I can only hope that it will get easier with time. I wonder how long it will be before it seems like that really is my name.

I was saying to my new husband the other night that I have noticed subtle changes. Not between us but around us. Now that we have joined couplehood it seems like people are looking at me differently. Is this something I’m imagining because I feel differently or is it really so?

The obvious changes are like the ones I’ve mentioned. Getting used to a new name and also being a half of a whole. The not so obvious ones are how people seem to perceive me a little differently. Sometimes, I almost feel conspiratorial with other couples. Like I, along with my new husband, have been let into a secret club that singles don’t know exists. It could all be coincidence but our social lives have become much more active. Invitations have been more plentiful.

I am willing to agree that this could all be because summer is now here and everyone is feeling more social. I’m also willing to concede that since we now live in a neighbourhood invitations will come more often. But there’s a little part of me that believes that this is all because we’ve made it official and tied the knot. Our status has changed.

One thing that I will vow to all my married and single friends is that I will NEVER become a “smug-married”. Those of you who have seen Bridget Jones’ Diary and knew exactly how the heroine felt, don’t have to ask what I’m talking about.

I was just as proud of being single as I am of being married. One thing I think that married couples really do have to be careful of (among other things, I know) is not to become “smug” and patronizing. Nothing can be more offensive to anyone single. Some couples I know have avoided these traits completely. Others have fallen into the trap. The latter group seems to define everything by if you have a significant other or a family. I can remember talking to certain “smug-marrieds” when I was single and the first thing that I was asked was “if I had a man yet?” No? Just can’t seem to find one eh? This would make my blood boil. I always felt like telling the offending parties that I was still a worthwhile person all by myself and that just because I hadn’t accepted the first eligible guy to come along didn’t mean that I never would find the perfect guy.

So maybe I am a little smug. But I’m smug about the fact that I did live out a big part of my life single. I had a chance to find out who I was and depend completely on myself. I’m glad that I waited for Mr. Right and didn’t settle for Mr. Maybe. Being single was fun. All you have to do is watch an old episode of Sex and the City to catch a glimpse of the fun to be had. A little part of me will miss it. A big part of me is looking forward to the other secrets and joys of couplehood.

The Buzz:

At 10:46 a.m., Blogger Cuppa declared...

I loved this Blog. It is something all married people need to read. Newly or "Oldly" married. At any age we have single friends: always been single; divorced, so hurt and newly singe; widowed; living together, but emotionally divorced; - whatever. Each person has worth, value, hopes, dreams, and special gifts to give the world. They find fulfullment in who they are and what they do, not who they are with. You have to be happy with who you are before you can be happy with anyone else. The key is not to put people in a box or say you must do this or that to be happy or fulfilled.

Thanks for making me stop and think about this today. Keep on writing.


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