Monday, September 20, 2004

Why is it Nagging?

Disclaimer:

Attn: Bitchy Blog ahead.

I do not intend to offend anyone with this bitchy blog. This is a rant. Please note that when I refer to Men in general I am really referring to my husband. (ha ha ha)

Also let it be known that even though I am writing this I love him very much and wouldn't trade his procrastinating self for anything.

So. I've got some issues with the term nagging and why women are so often labelled as "Naggers". There was a radio commercial on recently that mentioned nagging and it was driving me crazy. They've now changed the wording of the commercial so I guess I'm not the only person that was annoyed. Every time I ask Eric to do something more than once it makes me feel like I'm nagging. There are certain people in my life (you know who you are!) that laugh at me when I "nag" him.

This whole concept really bothers me. Why should I be faulted for having to ask for something twice? It seems to me that instead of me being labelled as a nag for having to ask more than once, my darling husband should be labelled a lazy ass. (Even though I love his lazy ass.)

It has been suggested to me that men and women have different ideas of the timeline of when things should be done. When women ask for something to be done, we mean right now or in the next 5 minutes. When men are asked to do something, to them, it means that it needs to be done sometime in the next few weeks. So why are women faulted for this apparent breakdown in communication?

Here's an example of nagging vs. procrastination:

There was a certain important task that Eric had to complete for our wedding. Now, let me just say that aside from getting his tux (I went with him anyway) this was pretty much the only task on Eric's "To Do" list. We discussed it months before the big day and I made it clear that I didn't want to have to stress over it. I needed for him to do it and do it with plenty of time to spare.

His response to me:
"This is important to me too, Sha. What? Do you think that
I'm not going to do it until the week before or something?
I can't believe that you don't have more faith in me than that."
I was sufficiently chastised. Felt badly even. But what do you think happened? When it became apparent that he might need a little encouragement, I reminded him every week that this task was important and needed to be done. Hence, I became the Nag. Lovely. Now, not only was I upset that he was getting nowhere on his one task but now I was also becoming something that Idetested.

In fact, Eric couldn't focus on this task until I sat my self down beside his sorry self one evening and spent a couple hours getting him started. (Men! How can anyone wonder why women have too much on their plates? It's because we're doing our jobs and everyone else's too.) Anyway, my point is that even though Eric had 4 months to complete his one wedding task he still only finished it the week before the wedding.

And I'm the Nag.

The Buzz:

At 10:59 AM, Blogger Dale declared...

Point taken. I'm listening, Shauna. Thank-you for sharing your thoughts on this. I too, am a procrastinator. I attend a self-help group: Procrast-Anon.
We meet every second Tuesday. Or sometimes Wednesday. Or Thursday.

OK, once a month. Usually.

 

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