Thursday, November 25, 2004

Validation Junkies.

Why is validation so hard to come by these days?

What is so difficult about saying:

Job well done.

You look great.

Thank you for all your hard work.

What you do does not go unnoticed.

You are appreciated.


Most of us are used to going without it and when we do get it, it's delicious and unexpected and appreciated. My boss wouldn't say "good job" if a gun was held to his head. It's just not in his nature. But validation is not only missing in our jobs but from loved ones. Maybe that's why there are so many arguments in relationships. Most of us just want to be told that we are being heard and that our feelings are valid and we are valuable.

Then there is the other end of the spectrum. There are those of us though that I like to refer to as validation junkies. I have a friend who is one of the most wonderful people one could ever meet. She's intelligent, pretty, and confident. Except for in her job. She actually calls me just to tell me that her boss told her she was doing a good job. I make all the appropriate noises but honestly the frequency that this can happen blows me away. Would she ever survive in my office where there's not a "well done" to be had around for miles?

And then there's the girl that works down the hall from me. She's got a different boss than me and boy it's a damn good thing. She is so spoiled and coddled that she has adopted that whiny voice that especially petulant females have a tendancy to talk with. It drives me crazy. She gets praise and validation and any little thing her heart desires. And the worse part? When she is stumped by a computer problem she'll toddle her spoiled ass right down to my office where either I or one of my workmates will give her a hand if we can. Then she comes out smelling like roses.

I wonder how she would fare in my office. It sure would be fun to watch her whining to my boss. And wouldn't it be just as fun to watch her bewildered look as she had to join the ranks of us lowly peons.

Just picturing that makes my day seem a little brighter. Bitch that I am.

The Buzz:

At 6:04 p.m., Blogger shadowbox declared...

Um...job well done on that post.

At 6:08 p.m., Blogger Anvilcloud declared...

Very true and well said. Unfortunately, I think your situation is the norm.

At 1:33 a.m., Blogger Kristin declared...

Butterfly, thanks for a thought-provoking post.

I am a pretty self confident woman, but I do seek validation in quiet ways.

Really, blogging is a great example. How much more worthy do you feel if you get 13 comments on a post rather than 0? It might just be me.

And you are so not a bitch.

At 9:18 a.m., Blogger Butterfly declared...

Tee hee.

Thanks for the validation guys!

At 9:48 a.m., Blogger Dale declared...

I really liked Kristin's remark about receiving comments on our posts. She's right, isn't she?

But the Truth, Butterfly, whether we know it or not, is that we are enough. Each of us is enough. Pretty enough. Clever enough. Talented enough. We ALL have all that we need to live our Lives and even some excess to offer others in need. That, I believe, is the Truth.

But, damn isn't it nice to hear once in a while?!!! LOL!!

At 1:02 p.m., Blogger Jen declared...

I know what you mean! I think also there is a fine line between getting and giving a healthy sense of validation and those people who just *cannot* stand on their own without all kinds of pandering and coddling and attention. (even in the blogworld!) Though we all love it when we get all kinds of compliments!


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